Musings in a quarter-life crisis

I’m having one of those days.

You know those days when everything is held together but it all seems to be falling apart? Or when you feel like you’re standing still and life is just flying past you?

I don’t like these days, but I guess they are necessary.

Because without them, I’d probably be nowhere.

These days give me a sense of urgency.

Time is running out.

Stop standing.

Move.

Go anywhere.

But just move.

Sometimes I can’t believe that twenty years of my life have gone by. What have I done? How have I made any difference in the world? In someone’s life?

Why is it that when I look back, everything just seems like a big blur of the same routine?

Routine.

I hate routines.

I promised myself I would never fall into a routine.

Life feels like we’re all standing on conveyer belts. For some time, I move at the same pace as others. We develop a great relationship – one of those we’re-on-the-same-page type of friendships. They never seem to last though. Or they do, but the conveyer belts are different. The paces change, and we drift. Drift into new relationships. And throughout life we just keep drifting.

For some reason, lately it feels like everyone is moving faster. Faster. Passing by. Leaving.

I don’t want to be left on my own.

Alone.

Lonely is a terrible feeling.